Generally Inhospitable: Episode Five

I was still awake working when I woke R at 9am. At noon he made it outside to work. I do have to admit he made breakfast (our own version of quick Eggs Benedict, to boot), but THREE hours? Welcome to my nightmare. Oh wait... you're already part of my nightmare. Nebbermind. And I'm so sorry.

I fell into an egg-induced coma shortly after noon. I awoke about 3:30pm (I don't sleep like a normal person, in case you haven't figured that out). Afraid to look out the master bedroom window overlooking the "greenhouse area," I intercommed R on the phone.

"Howz it goin'?"

"Well, if you look out the window, you'll see I have part of the frame up."

"You mean the pavers are done?"

"Yup."

Miracle #1

I worked, avoiding the whole window thing. A little after 5pm I hear R's cellphone ringing in the kitchen. Then again. Then our house phone rang. Someone was sure desperate to get hold of my hubby... and the rest of this diatribe demands a bit of a back story.

It was a call from Richard's supervisor at the university where he works. Now, let it be known that, as much as I can complain about my husband in just about every other aspect of life, my husband is a computer supergenius. An ubergenius, even (think "savant"). And having been a professional geek for a decade before becoming a jewelry artist (longer than he has been), and the fact that I love to pick on my husband (duh), this is a HUGE compliment coming from me; however, one I cannot in good conscience deny him. If it's impossibly complicated technically-intense software he's never seen before, he simply WILL make it work. The RIGHT way. Better than the support peeps from the software company will. EVERY TIME. However, he was hired by the university as a lowly programmer/analyst. He took the job and a HUGE cut in pay in exchange for a 7 minute commute to work and a much less stressful lifestyle. This lasted for 15 minutes, until the university realized they had hit gold. Now he administrates just about every major system the university runs, but STILL gets paid his original pathetic programmer/analyst salary. This has been an ongoing point of contention between us and the university, with them continually promising a big raise and promotion are moments away. My husband is pretty forgiving, and though he does nudge them on occasion, he's not pushy about it. I, on the other hand, want him to quit his job and find one that will pay him what he's worth (a girl needs the occasional Dior accessory, no?). I am also not shy about letting the university know they can kiss my ass every opportunity I get, which are few. My husband also has an incredibly annoying habit of jumping to the university's every beck and call. It's what he loves. Still incredibly annoying.

Now that you have the back story (I'm paraphrasing here, I didn't take notes):

"Hello?"

"Is Richard there?"

"He's out working on the greenhouse."

"I need to know if he was in the system and changed anything. Somebody did, and things are not as they should be and it's causing major problems."

Now, as annoying as it is that his supervisor would call him on a vacation day (and this happens EVERY vacation, though I also realize that's because R holds ALL the marbles), I also know she wouldn't call if it weren't a major issue. Heheheheheh. BONUS!

"I don't think he's logged in today, he's been outside working all day."

"Oh, well, would you please have him call me, I just really need to ask him a quick question."

Really? Would you PLEASE KISS MY ASS?? Like I'm going to have him stop working to call you. So NOT.

"Sure, I'll tell him you called. THE NEXT TIME HE COMES INSIDE."

"Oh. :::pause::: OK."

Damn right, OK. And you may BITE ME. Do you understand I am being denied DIOR????

Around 6pm R came inside. I mentioned the call. HE WENT BACK OUTSIDE TO WORK WITHOUT CALLING HIS SUPERVISOR.

That, my friends, is Miracle #2.

Content I had done my bad deed for the day, I fell asleep again. I awoke at 8pm to find a freshly showered hubby and a bevy of puppies surrounding me in bed.

"And?" I asked, with no small amount of trepidation.

"Well, you can't see it because it's dark now, but everything is done except for the door and the bracket that lifts the vent."

O.o
o.O
O.O

Brain cells immediately fire, losing all remnants of sleep. I made him say it again. He said it the same way.

Miracle #3.

So everything is hunky dory, right? Ummmmm... no.

Eventually he did call his supervisor, and the extent of the call was to tell her he didn't change anything. Life goes on, he works, I work and nap and work, and at 2:45am he comes up and tells me he's going to bed.

At 3am Weatherbug decides to throw a wrench in the whole business.

NON PRECIPITATION ADVISORY: HIGH WIND ALERT FOR CHESTER COUNTY

Back on the intercom.

"We have issues."

"What?"

"High wind advisory and there's no door and nowhere for the wind to go."

"I'm sure it will be fine."

This from the man who has pulled our umbrella AND glass/iron table out of the pond more than once.

"You don't KNOW it will be fine."

This is an argument we have often. If it means work for R, it will be "fine," no matter what the situation.

After clearly explaining the basic laws of physics to my husband, and painting the scenario of our brand new greenhouse ending up an acre away in our new neighbor's yard (I finally irritated the old ones enuf to move), I apparently made enough of an impact to convince him to at least put the piece of fence he removed back in front of the door before he leaves to go back to the blood-sucking university. I'll be waking him up in 12 minutes to do just that.

I also just looked at the greenhouse for the first time. I wonder if he'll notice the first time he sees it from above how much of an angle it sits in aspect to the fence it is supposed to butt up against at 90 degrees. Assuming he is not aware of this already. There had to be something, right? Well, of course there did. I am forever doomed to look down at a crooked greenhouse, apparently.

And as Day Six gets underway, we have high winds, a possible complaint from the boss (one *so* hopes), a door, a bracket, and one hell of an explanation about our lack of actually measuring anything to look forward to. I just know you live to see how this ends.

As so do I.

Hittin' Da Big Time!

I am having a hard time deciding if this was way too much fun or way too much of a time waster but either way, I entirely blame The Bloggess for this mess (@TheBloggess on Twitter). I suggest you do the same. (You needn't mention my name to her however... this woman actually has her own army. Literally).

So anyway, apparently after ten years of exceptional hair jewelry artistry, I've finally done a global advertising campaign for LongLocks. Nevermind that I used the same ol' tired promo photo I always use, go with what works I always say.
















And my personal fav, in my own sorta twisted way...




You can waste your own damn time over at Photofunia. Just remember when you get roped in, it's The Bloggess you blame.

Be Still My Heart!

Some women swoon over movie stars. Some women swoon over chocolate. Some women swoon over roses. These are what I swoon over... well, these and Blake Shelton, of course. Have you ever seen anything so gorgeous IN YOUR LIFE???



I can see that I'll need to immediately do a completely unselfish good deed so I can reward myself.

HaiCuckoo - Do You Jimmy Choo?

Four inch stilettos
Sublime Italian leather
High pain tolerance

Agua Net

Plinky asks what was the worst time I've ever had at a place that was supposed to be fun.

----------------------------

Always, ALWAYS dress appropriately for the occasion. Always.

I actually covered my husband's unreasonable fear of roller coasters in my "Better Bring a Bucket List" post and as a result of said fear, my own fear of going Batmanless for my remaining days, so I'll refer you to that one for the real answer to this question. i do have a little ditty about how we ruined someone else's time however, and I have to admit it was the most fun I had at Great Adventure that day.

Thank god I was smart enuf to get Richard on the log flume ride early in the day before riding any of the "real" roller coasters. I LOVE log flume rides, some of my earliest childhood memories are of riding the log flume ride at the World's Fair in NY in the late '60s. You might say I grew up riding log flume rides.

So anyways, we're standing in this interminably long line, inching slowly toward the flume, and we observe this woman dozens of people ahead of us who obviously didn't read her "How to Dress for an Amusement Park" primer. Now, being the type who for years wouldn't answer the phone without her makeup on, I understand wanting to look at least presentable in public. Hubby and I mused however, that we just didn't get why anyone would come to Great Adventure dressed to the nines, red hair teased and sprayed to *there*, enuf makeup on to make Tammy Faye look "Cover Girl Clean" and sporting stilettos. This poor misguided woman became the source of our amusement for the long, boring wait to get on the ride. We were obviously desperate for something to do to pass the time.

Just as we are finally reaching the boarding ramp, the ticket taker starts pulling couples out of the line and having them stand aside while larger groups were directed to their logs. Eventually he points at us and points to a log. Just as I am about to get in, I hear this sarcastic voice coming from the back of the log, "Ha ha, you are going to get SO wet! The people in the front get SOAKED!" I looked up and realized it was the sprayed-to-within-an-inch-of-her-life redhead. I also realized she had never ridden a log flume ride before. I smiled.

As soon as hubby was safely tucked behind me, I whispered a little something in his ear. He smiled.

And away we went, sloshing and banging and slipping down small hills and making little splashes. I didn't even hear any unusual sounds emanating from hubby, so it is safe to assume that even he was enjoying himself.

Now unlike a roller coaster, which generally has the biggest drop in the beginning of the ride, the biggest drop on a log flume ride is at the end. I know this. I've done this before.

We reach the crest of the hill and find ourselves facing down. Just as the log goes over the top I yell, "NOW!"

I duck. Hubby ducks. The water goes SWOOSH! I am dry. Hubby is dry. Redhead is drenched. Life is good. And wet hairspray *so* sucks.

I love log flume rides.